I Hate Clowns
by Samuel Keller
Summary: Carnival Mayhem! Our favorite zombie slayers have awoken inside an American theme park, and guess what? There's zombies! New weapons, new jokes, and new horrors await our heroes in the Carnival Of Darkness! I am currently updating this one first!
1. Chapter 1: A Rainy Day

**Hello readers! I am new to writing published stories, so forgive my cliche' writing. Now, Depending on your favorites, I have chosen Dempsey, Takeo, Nikolai, and Richtofen to participate. Hopefully, I will** **be a success among you. Enough talk, let it BEGIN!**

The American soldier woke up to the sound of howling wind. It wasn't loud, but it was incessant. He groaned and realized his hands felt cold asphalt. He rolled over and looked at the sky. Grey clouds completely crowded out the sun or moon or whatever the hell was up there now.

He looked over to his left and saw a man dressed in a yellow coat and black pants. A large red ban with a swastika was wrapped around his left arm and a stupid hat with an eagle on it. The American kicked him and said, "Hey, Doctor Shithead, wake up."

The Nazi groaned and said, "Nien, Nien, damn my head". He raised a hand to stroke his hair and noticed the American. "Ah, Dempsey, so it seems I have reappeared vith you. Another stroke of bad luck."

Dempsey scowled. "Hey Doc, I ain't very happy to be with you either, so put a gun in your damn mouth."

Richtofen rolled his eyes and replied, "Honestly American, your comments are az predictable az Nikolai in a liquor shop."

"Speaking of which" said Dempsey ignoring Richtofen,"where is Nikolai? I miss the old drunk."

Just then the two rivals heard a burp and a moan. They looked towards the sounds and saw a large man curled up on the floor. His coat was yellow and stained multiple times. A large burlap hat was pulled over his ears and a large bottle was gripped tightly in his left.

Dempsey chuckled. "Nikolai is still clutching that damn bottle. I'm sure he drinks in his sleep."

Richtofen nodded. "I have no doubt."

Dempsey looked around and asked, "Where the hell are we?"

Around the group were large market stalls of all colors, made up of cloth. They had names like "Corndogs", "Cotton Candy", and many others. The asphalt was slick with rain and dust hanged all over the stalls. In the distance, several tall structures stood without any details in sight.

Richtofen looked around and stated, "No idea. But wherever it is, it appears to be combing the new and the old."

Dempsey stood up and noticed something. He walked over to it and picked it up. It was a small torn section of cloth, faded and dirty. But it was still recognizable.

It was a small chunk of an American Flag. It had a single star on it and white and red band next to it. Dempsey smiled and said, "God damn, we're in the good old U.S. of A."

Richtofen stood up and noticed the cloth. "Ah yes, so we're in your country, Yankee. You must be so happy."

Dempsey's grin widened and he said, "Bet your ass I'm happy. The land of fast cars and fast women. God Bless America."

Richtofen rolled his eyes and kicked Nikolai. "Hey, Cossack, wake up! No time for napping!"

Nikolai groaned. "Screw you. Nikolai killed billions of zombies! Nikolai deserve nap."

Richtofen growled and exclaimed, "Nien! I've killed trillions of zombies, but do you see me napping? Get up my friend, before I drink your vodka!"

Instantly, Nikolai spun on the ground and knocked Richtofen's feet out from under him. Richtofen swore loudly in his native language and collapsed on his back. In a flash, Nikolai was on him, a large hunting knife at his throat. "If you so much as LOOK at my vodka again" threatened Nikolai slowly, "I'll use your organs as secondary vodka containers!"

The entire time, Nikolai's bloodshot eyes locked right onto Richtofen's. Richtofen had seen some crazy eyes, but Nikolai's were scary beyond belief. They burned with a fire, a fire bent on ridding the world of life. He had seen those eyes before, in the faces of all the zombies they had encountered. And in that instant, Richtofen knew Nikolai was no different than him. He wanted to kill everything.

Dempsey grabbed Nikolai and said, "Hey man, chill the fuck out."

He pulled Nikolai off Richtofen and stated, "Listen up, you two. I don't want any fighting. Poking fun is one thing, but actually fighting is out of the question. We're all brothers, and goddammit we're gonna survive like brothers."

"I just have one question" spoke Richtofen still on the ground.

"What is it Nazi?" said Dempsey still pissed at the two's quarrel.

"Where the hell is Takeo?"

Dempsey looked around, actually clueless. "I can't see him. Where did Tak go?"

Nikolai grunted. "Who gives a damn? He's probably off somewhere either puking out his guts or getting on with that monkey bomb. Either one wouldn't surprise me."

"Actually Bolshevist dog, I am here" said a Japanese voice from the group's left. They looked and saw Takeo standing there in his usual Imperial Japanese uniform, holding an Olympia double barreled shotgun. "I've been awake for about ten minutes, surveying the terrain."

Dempsey smiled. "Awesome! Our humorless Samurai is back! Now we got the responsible boring guy here making the rest of us look cooler!"

"Speak for yourself!" yelled Nikolai boldly. "I'm already as cool as vodka!"

Takeo scowled. "The day you are cool Nikki, is when Hell freezes over!"

Nikolai smiled. "In Russia, Hell isn't just frozen, it's fucking Christmas down there!"

Dempsey laughed and said, "Damn, you guys just reunited and you're already at it. Awesome."

Suddenly, a loud, low-pitched moan overcame the whole group. Everyone pulled out an M1911, which they knew would be there, except Takeo who raised his Olympia.

"Damn" muttered Dempsey. "No matter where we go, these mother fuckers follow."

Richtofen giggled. "Oh joy, I've been meaning to soak myself in some blood for a while."

Standing ten feet from the group was a lone figure. His clothes were ragged and hung in shards from his skin. His legs were crooked and his arms were cracked in several places. His face was shredded and his eyes glowed yellow. His sharp teeth gritted as he saw the four men.

"God damn" said Dempsey. "Never seen a zombie look like that."

Suddenly, then thing crouched down and roared. Then it started sprinting towards them.

"Oh shit, oh shit!" shouted Nikolai. They all fired rounds in its direction, but it dodged every round. Then it turned and leapt towards Takeo.

Takeo braced the gun on his shoulder and aimed hurriedly. He fired and the thing fell to the ground. He moved slowly towards the thing and kicked it. It didn't move. Takeo exhaled and said, "Ok, it's dead."

Suddenly, the thing leapt up and howled at him. Takeo quickly placed the barrel of the gun on the thing's head and pulled the trigger. Brain and bone exploded and covered Takeo. Takeo wiped the blood from his face and turned to his fellow comrades. "Come on fellows, we have zombies to kill."


	2. Chapter 2: NO POWER!

**Hello people! I'm back, and ready to write! Now, we left our zombie slaying idols just waking up in a new horror! Just note, this story will take a while to write, so be patient and REVIEW!**

The gang walked farther through the market stalls and looked around. A lot of blood was on the ground, mixed with the rain. The cloth flapped in the wind and sent a chill up Dempsey's spine.

He shivered and muttered, "Damn, is it just me, or is this wind freezing your balls off?"

Nikolai smiled. "Takeo has no balls to freeze off. He lost them in Shi No Numa."

Takeo looked at him and replied, "Yeah, that's the same place you got jabbed in the eye."

"What?" said Nikolai confused. "I didn't get hit in the eye in Shi No Numa."

"Oh right" responded Takeo. He rapidly swung his fist and connected with Nikolai left eye. Nikolai howled in pain and swore loudly.

Takeo smiled and corrected, "That was here."

Dempsey chuckled. "Nice Tak man."

Then he stopped and muttered, "Wait a minute. Takman, Pacman."

He grinned. "Oh shit! I'm keeping that one!"

Takeo rolled his eyes. "I am not a stupid yellow blob who gets chased by ghosts and eats white dots."

Nikolai coughed. "Yeah, but he does eat something white, but it's sort of sticky and fluid like."

Dempsey laughed and said, "Yeah, its called gum!"

Nikolai laughed and replied, "Ha! Jokes on jokes are funny!"

Richtofen looked at them and asked, "You know vhat would also be funny? If you zhree dumb asses helped me vith ze zombies!"

They looked, and sure enough, there was a crowd of undead. Richtofen was having a time trying to hold them off, but they were slowly gaining ground. Dempsey aimed his M1911 and fired into the crowd. Nikolai went for something less subtle and just threw a grenade at his belt. The crowd blew into fist sized chunks and caused laughter from Nikolai.

"Ha ha ha (choke) ah shit! I think I swallowed an eyeball!"

Dempsey laughed and reloaded. He hung his pistol at his side and said, "Ok, people, let's survey the land!"

They looked around and found the Olympia and the M14 on walls and torn down barricades in front of shops. They found the inactive Quick Revive machine, which meant one thing: no power.

Dempsey groaned. "Great, now I have to rack my brain for a 'No Power' line. What the hell, I'll try this one. FUCK, NO POWER!"

Nikolai sighed and sipped his vodka. He looked at the bottle affectionately and said, "At least I don't need a fricking power switch to drink you."

Richtofen looked up at the sky and yelled, "What the hell Samantha! Still not giving us power! Little bitch."

Takeo examined the machine. "This suggests the power was on, but maybe the storm blew it out."

Dempsey rolled his eyes and said, "Takman, the powers off EVERYWHERE we go! Since when has a storm caused it? Shi No Numa, too sunny. Der Riese, clear as night. Kino Der Toten, pretty bright. That Cosmo dome, no storms in sight. Shangri-Li, completely sunny, high 90's. It's that bitch Samantha!"

Takeo crouched and said, "Look here."

He pointed at a large cord. "That might be where the power is."

The group followed the cord and hit a wall. Literally. A large steel chain fence blocked their path while the cord continued.

"Damn" murmured Dempsey hitting the gate. "No way past it."

He looked up. "Too high to climb."

He hit it again and said, "Well, let's find our way to the power room."

Takeo nodded and stated, "I have found two exits, one to the left, and another to the right. Perhaps we should split into groups of two. Dempsey and Nikolai, you go right. Me and The Doctor will go left."

Nikolai scoffed. "Screw you! Me and Dempsey are going left, and you and The Doc are going right!"

Takeo sighed. "Whatever! I hate your stupid arguing anyway. Let's go Richtofen."

Richtofen nodded and said, "Good! Zhat American vas making me lose my vood."

They all gave blank stares at Richtofen and he defended, "What, I can't make references to my genitalia? Dempsey always does!"

Takeo gave a rare laugh and said, "Let's go."

The two walked off and Nikolai said, "Well, that was, really gay."

Dempsey laughed. "Well, I knew Richtofen was a queer, but I didn't realize Takeo would be his butt buddy. Should've seen it coming, but still."

Nikolai shrugged. "So, they said to our left right?"

Dempsey nodded and said, "Let's go."

**Sorry that it's kinda short, but I need to separate it at specific spots so I add suspense. (Don't you hate that?) Anyway, next chapter's coming soon (And I mean a week or so). Now, I need some ideas. Not for perks or weapons, but the SONG! You'd think I'd leave it out? You were WRONG! Just shoot me some lyrics, places to hide it, even genres! I'm trying to be original! Ask around for some not well known lyrics. Remember, it has to be something someone would play while killing zombies! Bye!**


	3. Chapter 3: Bliad

**Hello! Sorry it's been a while since I've updated last, but s**_**omeone **_**was late for the Internet bill. Anyway, I got the song, so don't worry. I wrote it myself. Now, we left our heroes complaining about the power, so we should get back to that.**

_Richtofen and Takeo_

Takeo led the duo through the market, with his Olympia ready to fire at his hip. Richtofen followed, with his M1911 in one hand and his Nazi Youth knife in the other.

Takeo stopped at a large mound and said, "Here we are." The debris was made of dirt and rock, and smelled particularly unpleasant.

Richtofen looked at the pile and stated, "Ok, that is one big pile of shit."

Takeo nodded and pulled out a grenade. "Good thing we have these" he replied placing it in the mound and pulling the pin.

Takeo turned and exclaimed, "Run, Doctor!"

Richtofen nodded and ran behind a nearby stall. After a few seconds, the explosion sent concussions and dirt through the air.

Richtofen coughed madly. "Bah, fick mich! It smells like methane!"

Takeo coughed as well. "Agreed. It smells worse then Nikolai's breath!"

Richtofen laughed and responded, "Actually, this smells better then that Cossack's breath!"

Takeo went through the hole in the mound and looked around for zombies. After making sure nothing would come out, he signaled for Richtofen.

The German stepped through and said, "Wow, Impressive."

The décor of the area was several huts surrounded by a large rock wall. The huts held games, like knocking down pins or target shooting.

Richtofen whistled and said, "Fairly interesting design."

Takeo scowled. "These Americans try to replicate natural beauty. There is no honor."

Richtofen shrugged and walked around. Then he saw something that brought a smile to his face. He walked over to it and said, "Oh joy! It is here! Wunderbar!"

Takeo came over and saw Richtofen hugging the PhD Flopper Machine. Takeo rolled his eye and walked over to a white chalk outline. He examined and muttered, "Buy."

A small submachine gun fell into his hands. He studied it and stated, "It may be small, but it has big honor!"

Richtofen came over and said, "Oh good Takeo, you found the MPL."

He bought the silver SMG and yelled, "I like the noise it makes! Pzzzzzzz! Ah ha ha!"

A low growl stopped his maniacal laughter. The two turned and saw another one of those odd zombies, crouched and moving slowly. Richtofen raised his MPL and fired.

The thing leapt forward and landed in front of the German. It kicked out his knee and elbowed his in the face. Richtofen stumbled backwards and attempted to shoot it. The thing kicked Richtofen in the head and sent him to the ground. It stood over him, ready to give the final blow.

The thing felt a cold object on its head and turned. Takeo stood there, with his Olympia shotgun held one handed on the thing's head. "Dodge this" he muttered before blowing its head off.

_Dempsey and Nikolai_

The two stood in front of the large debris mound when they heard an explosion. Nikolai turned and asked, "What the hell was that?"

Dempsey smiled and said, "I guess Takman just blew up Richtofen. Awesome."

Nikolai scowled. "I actually preferred the Nazi. He did mutter a bunch of weird shit like Takeo, but it was at least funny."

Dempsey shrugged. "Hey, who needs um? We do well enough with just us anyway."

Nikolai nodded. "Damn straight."

Dempsey looked at the mound and said, "Now, how do we get through this?" Their debris was a large stack of wood, all haphazardly thorn together. Dempsey attempted to pull a board out and got a sliced finger. "Damn nails" he muttered.

The American smiled as a thought came to him "I got an idea."

He went over to the stall and pulled out a large silver keg. Nikolai's eyes widened and he exclaimed, "Brilliant! Let's just forget this bull shit and drink!"

Dempsey chuckled. "I wish, but I'm gonna use this to blow a hole in that mound."

Nikolai's eyes widened with horror. "WHAT! Use alcohol as explosives?"

He smiled and said, "Brilliant!"

Dempsey nodded and rolled the keg to the mound and stood it up. Dempsey went to a market stall and ordered, "Nikolai, grab cover!"

The Russian nodded and ran off to another stall. Dempsey aimed his M1911 and pulled the trigger.

The keg blew up violently, ending shrapnel of wood and steel through the air. Several chunks got within a foot of Dempsey.

Dempsey stood up and laughed. "Wow, that was better then I thought!" he yelled.

The explosion blew a five foot hole in the stack and left a large crater in the ground.

Nikolai got out of cover and murmured, "Mom always told me alcohol was dangerous. Now I get what she meant."

Dempsey walked through the mound and looked around. A large carousel was to his left, with inactive horses and two levels. A few stalls selling various items were around the area, but one caught his eye. He went over to it and examined the sign. "Yes" he muttered to himself.

He went inside and went through the inventory. "Hey Nikolai!" He shouted to his Russian friend, "You want a drink?"

Nikolai rolled his eyes and replied, "Is Stalin a zhopa?"

Nikolai went over to the stall and inquired, "Any vodka?"

Dempsey smiled. "Better."

He slammed a bottle on the counter and said, "Moonshine."

"What in the living hell is moonshine?" asked Nikolai grabbing the bottle.

Dempsey smiled and responded, "Homemade liquor."

Nikolai's eyes widened and he took a gulp of the concoction. He burped and muttered, "Wow, you Americans can make some decent liquor. Russian vodka still better, but this not bad."

Dempsey nodded and took a bottle. "This takes me back before the war" he muttered sipping the drink. "Shooting crows with my buds, talking cars and women, and drinking homemade moonshine. Bliss."

Nikolai shrugged. "I just drink alone, with nothing but my drunken thoughts."

Dempsey's eyes widened and he exclaimed, "Nikolai, behind you!"

Nikolai turned around and saw a lone zombie who had managed to sneak up on him. Nikolai whirled his right hand and smashed the moonshine bottle into the thing's head. It died instantly.

Nikolai looked at the dead zombie and threw the broken bottle at it. "Stupid zombie. I wasn't even finished."

Suddenly, a chorus of groans erupted around them. Dempsey dropped the bottle and pulled out his pistol. "Hey Nikolai. How do you say, 'Oh shit' in Russian?"

"Bliad" replied Nikolai.

"Yeah, that's about right" said Dempsey scowling.

**Oh crap! Looks like our dynamic duos are in trouble! What else is new? Anyway, I've written out all the others, so I all need to do is publish! Awesome! Bye!**


	4. Chapter 4: Full Tilt

**Hello! It's been great, having all I need to write on paper. SPOILER ALERT! I'm making a sequel! Info will come later, but let's just say there's gonna be a lot more frustration and a lot more cool stuff. Anyway! Back to the action!**

_Richtofen and Takeo_

"No you Jap, the OTHER vein! Ow! Gottverdammt!"

Takeo stabbed Richtofen with a needle and ordered, "Get up doctor!"

Richtofen stood up and muttered, "Oh Wunderbar."

Surrounding the duo were around twenty zombies approaching slowly.

Richtofen raised the MPL and yelled, "Ah my little accidents, STAY AWAY!"

_Dempsey and Nikolai_

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit" Nikolai murmured as he fired into the crowd.

Dempsey looked around the little hut for something that could be useful. Then he saw the chalk outline.

He smiled and said, "Buy."

A small SMG dropped in his hands. A PM63. Not bad.

He turned to his Russian comrade and stated, "Nikolai, catch!" He threw the small gun towards his comrade and bought it again.

Nikolai turned and caught the submachine gun. He grinned and said, "Nothing says trouble like a drunk Russian with an MG!"

_Richtofen and Takeo_

Richtofen reloaded his MPL and exclaimed, "Takeo, behind you!"

The Japanese turned and shot the offending zombie point blank in the neck. "Eat lead you soulless blithe!"

Richtofen laughed manically, lost within is own personnel nirvana. "So much blood! I need a straw!"

Takeo reloaded and announced, "My ammo is lower then Nikolai's honor!"

Richtofen threw a grenade and destroyed a crowd that was approaching slowly towards them.

Takeo slashed a zombie with his katana and threatened, "I'll make soup of you, undead flesh bag!"

_Dempsey and Nikolai_

Nikolai threw a hand grenade and blew apart four zombies.

"And limbs go flying!" he yelled.

Dempsey turned and filled a zombie's mouth with lead. "Like salt in a microwave. BOOM!"

Nikolai backed into the stall and exclaimed, "There's too many!"

Then he saw the green power up.

"Yes!" he yelled before running to catch it. He dove and grabbed the glowing nuke.

_Richtofen and Takeo_

Takeo was about to slice open a zombie neck when its head exploded and its body lit on fire. Takeo looked to the sky and said, "Our comrades bless us with nuclear support."

Richtofen reloaded and said, "Good. I was running low anyway." He pointed to the barricade and said, "Let's get out of here."

_Dempsey and Nikolai_

Dempsey gout out the stall and said, "Let's look around."

After a few minutes, Dempsey found something inside the carousel.

"Hey Nikolai!" shouted the American from inside the ride, "Check this out!"

Nikolai went over to the carousel and saw Dempsey standing next to the Double Tape Root Beer machine.

Nikolai smiled. "Ah Double Tap. How I love its earthy taste. Reminds me of my Dad's beer I used to drink."

Dempsey chuckled. "Hey, do you think I'd be the new model for Coke?"

He posed on the machine and said, "Buy a Coke, or get fucked in the face!"

Nikolai laughed. "In Russia, that probably work!"

Dempsey got off the machine and said, "Let's blow this shit stand."

_Richtofen and Takeo_

A large explosion tore through the fake valley. Takeo had again solved the two's problems with grenades, but had used two instead of one. "Overkill is underrated" he explained before placing the explosives in the debris.

Once the smoke cleared, Richtofen coughed and stated, "Well, I knew you had anger management issues Takeo, but this is ridiculous."

The debris was gone, but so was most of the siding. It looked ready to collapse at any second.

Takeo stood up and suggested, "Let's go Doctor."

Richtofen nodded. "Ja, Ja. I don't like dis valley."

They walked through the hole and looked around. The place they had entered seemed to have a mining theme going on. Abandoned mine carts were tossed haphazardly around, and multiple cart tracks ran throughout the area.

Richtofen looked to his left and said, "Hey, a gate!"

The duo walked over to it and Takeo announced, "Hey, that's the area we saw in the first room!"

Takeo was right. The bland square was exactly the same, except for one thing. A huge Ferris wheel was stuck right in the middle. It was so tall Takeo couldn't see the top.

"Holy mother of God" he muttered taking a step backwards.

Richtofen looked at him and asked, "What's wrong samurai comrade?"

Takeo looked at the German and responded, "I'm afraid of heights."

Richtofen's eyes widened. After all of the 115 exposure, Takeo still remembered that fear. Richtofen used to try to break Takeo by hanging him from a hundred feet in the air.

Richtofen turned from his friend and whispered, "Damn, if he remembers his fear of heights, then he'll start remembering… oh fick mich."

**Well, interesting. The mind wipe is fading. Our crazy Nazi is in some serious ****die Scheiße.**** See ya on the other side!**


	5. Chapter 5: Hall of Mirrors

**I'm back! Now I have a message from Richtofen: "Every time you don't review, God kills an LOL cat. Please, think of the LOL cats." Well I think that's pretty self-explanatory. Enjoy!**

_Dempsey and Nikolai_

The dynamic duo stood in front of the barricade. Instead of a nailed stack of wood, it was a gate, locked with a large padlock.

Dempsey looked at the lock and said, "Wow, this thing is huge. They used this to hole me in my cell back at Solitary. Too bad it didn't work."

Dempsey pulled out his M1911 and shot the lock four times. It blew apart instantly. Dempsey kicked open the gate and said, "Let's go."

The area they stepped into looked like another planet. Literally. The entire thing had a sci-fi thing going on. The tables were pure chrome and the ground felt carpeted.

Dempsey whistled and said, "Damn, this is like some weird Robby the Robot shit going on here." Nikolai nodded and said, "Yeah, reminds me of Soviet Cosmo dome."

Dempsey walked around and saw a large square building, colored, guess what? Chrome. The walls were curved lightly and caved to a small roof. The roof had a large antenna and a radar dish. A large inactive neon sign that said, "Hall of Mirrors" stood in front of a huge entrance.

Dempsey pointed to it and said, "Hey, what do you thinks in there?" Nikolai put a hand on his chin and said, "Do to drunken analysis, I believe inside will be lots of mirrors."

Dempsey rolled his eyes and said, "No shit. Maybe something else. I'm going in." Nikolai shook his head and said, "Count me out. I'm already drunk enough to see shit. I don't want to step in a freaking hall of mirrors."

Dempsey looked at him and said, "What if the power's in there?"

Nikolai shook his head and said, "Hell no, I'm not going."

Dempsey shrugged and said, "Whatever. Stay here then. I'm going." Dempsey walked to the entrance and calmly stepped inside the hall of mirrors.

_Richtofen and Takeo_

Richtofen approached the chalk out line and said, "Buy." A large SMG dropped into his hands. An AK74u. Good gun. Now he had two SMGS. "Sounds like a good combo" he muttered.

Takeo did the same and said, "I am sorry Olympia, but it would've worked out." Richtofen placed a hand on his shoulder and said, "Don't worry my samurai friend. We'll find you another shotgun. A bigger one."

Takeo nodded and said, "I'm going to look around." They both looked around for a few minutes and Takeo said, "Doctor! I have found something!"

Richtofen came over and saw the Speed Cola machine. Good. It'll come useful later.

Richtofen looked at the machine and said, "Ah, Speed Cola. I like it. It has the taste of mint tea and the consistency of blood. Delicious."

Takeo gave Richtofen a dead pan look. Just because he was a sociopath didn't mean he had the excuse to drink blood. Takeo knew Asians who ate dog, cat, even bugs, but no blood drinking. This Richtofen was a strange man.

_Nikolai_

The drunk walked around, mumbling to himself. How dare that arrogant Yankee leave him here? Even though technically he gave him the choice to follow, that was irrelevant.

Nikolai saw the chalk outline and smiled. Perfect. He walked over to it and bought it. An MP5K.

Nikolai smiled and said, "Drunk Russian, plus MG, equals you die."

Suddenly a loud groan brought him back to reality. He turned and saw a lone zombie sprinting to him. He pulled the trigger and said, "I shot off your arm, but you probably know that by now."

Nikolai looked around and realized he was getting surrounded. He cursed and ran into the Hall of Mirrors.

_Dempsey_

The American walked cautiously through the maze of glass, listening intently. He heard shouting and gunshots from outside and smiled. Poor Nikolai must've encountered a zombie hoard. No surprise there.

Swiftly, a shape ran in front of him. He ran after it and turned left. Nothing. He turned to the right and his heart nearly stopped.

One of those leaping things stood only three feet in front of him. He shot it immediately in the head and got only flying glass. Reflection, shit.

He ran towards the mirror and cleared the area. Nothing.

Then he got a shiver down his spine. The one his grandfather called, "Someone walking over your grave." It was the presence of an enemy.

Dempsey whirled around and shot blindly. The bullets landed squarely on the leaper's face and sent it tumbling to the ground. It screamed in pain before dying.

The Marine heard the sounds of approaching zombies and reloaded. Time for a slaughter.

The first lucky contestant popped up from behind a mirror. It launched itself through the glass and sprinted towards him. He quickly popped a headshot and turned to engage another.

After five had appeared, Dempsey sighed in relief. Without warning, another one leapt in front of him and howled. Dempsey kicked it away and pulled the trigger. Sadly, his PM63 was out of ammo. Dempsey swore and pulled out his knife. The thing leapt forward and Dempsey swung the blade.

The knife entered its eye and sent a patch of blood over Dempsey's shirt. Dempsey scowled and wiped his knife clean. "Stupid marrow sucker. This'll never come out!"

Suddenly he heard footsteps. He readied himself with the knife and crouched.

A large object in a yellow jacket ran over to him. "Don't shoot, I mean knife, me!" It yelled.

Dempsey relaxed. It was just Nikolai. Then he saw the zombies following him and swore. "Damn it man I got no ammo!"

Nikolai tossed him his PM63 and said, "It still has a clip or two." Dempsey rolled his eyes and began shooting.

**Holy Crap! I love this chapter! Hope you do too! Why am I putting in so many exclamation marks? Anyway, bye for now!**


	6. Chapter 6: White Lightning

**Hello faithful readers! Now, my first thought when I was uploading this was, "Should I wait**** a little**** while before**** publishing the next chapter?" Then I said "Fuck it" and pushed the button. Enjoy!**_  
>Richtofen and Takeo<em>

Takeo slapped in a fresh mag and said, "Doctor, watch out!" Richtofen turned and shot the offending zombie point blank in the neck.

"Their screams are like sweet music!" he yelled in joy. Takeo shoved a zombie away and removed the skin from its face.

"Eat that maggot!" he yelled loudly. Richtofen roundhouse kicked a zombie and said, "How does German leather taste?"

_Dempsey and Nikolai_

Dempsey yelled and crushed a zombie's face with his gun. "Dude, no ammo!" He threw a grenade and said, "Grab cover!"

Nikolai shot a zombie and backed up into a corner. The grenade blew out the glass in the hallway and sent shards everywhere. Dempsey swore and said, "Damn, that sucked!" He pulled a shard out of his face and said, "I'll live, but it's bleeding like a bitch." Nikolai smiled and said, "Just like 5th wife."

Dempsey walked over to a bland area and said, "I guess this is the end." Sadly, debris covered the exit. And not wood, but concrete.

Nikolai swore and said, "If only 3rd wife were here. If she was mad, her heavy ass could've busted right through this. Too bad I threw her in a lake."

Dempsey chuckled and noticed something to his left. He went over to it and smiled. It was a Perk-a-Cola machine. But not one he recognized.

It was similarly designed like Double Tap, but was black and silver. The symbol was a lightning bolt with a belt of ammo. The name, written in black letters, was White Lightning.

Dempsey tapped the machine and said, "Cool. A moonshine perk. About frickin time." Nikolai looked at the machine and said, "White Lightning. Wonder what it does?"

Dempsey shrugged and said, "Maybe we'll find out when we get the power on." Nikolai nodded and said, "By the way, there's something you should see."

"What is it man?" asked Dempsey. Nikolai pointed at the other end of the room and said, "That."

At first, Dempsey didn't see it, but as his eyes adjusted, it became clearer.

It was a teddy bear. One of the many the group had seen. It was brown and caked with blood. It was about a foot tall and half a foot wide. But this one had a thing of cotton candy in one hand (or paw?) and a corn dog in the other.

Dempsey looked at the bear and said, "Oh great. I wonder what it does?" Violently, he stabbed the bear and tore a chunk of stuffing out. A familiar ringing sound came out, and Dempsey groaned.

"Ah man" he said rolling his eyes. "Now we gotta find two more of these little bastards, and when we do, we'll _stumble _upon a hidden song. How original."

Nikolai shrugged and said, "Who gives a damn? I just run and gun." Dempsey smiled and said, "That's a great philosophy. Let's get out of here."

_Richtofen and Takeo_

Takeo went up on the wooden deck and said, "Interesting." In front of him stood a large stacked pile of roller coaster cars forming an artificial wall.

Richtofen went over to it and said, "Oh wunderbar. Samantha never makes it easy." Takeo felt the barrier and said, "Metal. A grenade won't work."

Richtofen looked to his left and smiled. "I found a substitute" said Richtofen running to it.

Takeo turned and saw the German hugging a large crane. "Ja, Ja!" yelled the Doctor in joy. "Such steel, such quality! It's a piece of German ingenuity!"

Takeo walked up to it and said, "Does it work?" Richtofen shrugged and said, "I'm sure I can hot wire it."

Richtofen jumped in the cockpit and grinned. "Ja! The stupid sods left the keys in! Wunderbar!"

He started the engine and breathed in the exhaust fumes. "Ah, the smell of burning gasoline" he moaned. "It's so…erotic."

Takeo dead panned him and walked away. "I am beginning to question Richtofen's honor, and heterosexuality" he muttered to himself.

**I agree with Takeo, for once. Burning gasoline just reminds me of last Halloween (Don't ask). Anyway, hope you liked it. And by the way: REVIEW!**


	7. Chapter 7: Renaissance

**Hello! I know it's been a little while since I tossed three chapters in at breakneck speed. Now this chapter, I find hilarious. I hope you do too! **

_Dempsey and Nikolai_

The destruction twins walked out of the Hall of Mirrors with chunks of glass in various places. Nikolai pulled a chunk out of his hand and said, "Ow! That's my vodka drinking hand! But I guess the other will do."

Dempsey walked over to the MP5K and bought it. "Nice, compact and light. Not at all like me" he muttered.

Nikolai went to the giant mound on the north side and examined it. "Hm, debris. How original" he muttered sipping his vodka.

Dempsey went over to the thing and said, "Maybe we can blow it up." Nikolai shook his head and said, "I got better idea." Nikolai screwed in the cork back in the bottle and said, "Be right back."

After a minute, a large gray truck came screaming towards Dempsey. The American swore and dove out of the way. The truck stopped and Dempsey saw Nikolai's smiling face behind the wheel.

Dempsey stood up and said, "Seriously man. I almost became human asphalt!" Nikolai poked his head out the window and yelled, "Just like 6th wife!" Dempsey laughed and got in the passenger seat.

"So, found another way out?" asked Dempsey hopefully. Nikolai shook his head and said, "Nope. Everywhere is freaking gated. The only way is forward. We gotta smash through it, like Eastern Front!"

Dempsey nodded and buckled up. "This is gonna get ugly" the Marine muttered. Nikolai smiled and said, "Just like divorce."

_Richtofen and Takeo_

Richtofen engaged the crane and grabbed a chunk of car. Lifting it, he haphazardly tossed it to the side. He hummed to himself and muttered, "The sounds of twisted metal! SO WUNDERBAR!"

Meanwhile, Takeo was keeping an eye out for zombies. So far, zero contact. He had gotten so bored he dared a taste at one of the stall's merchandise. Tasted like shoes.

Takeo sighed and lied down on a table. Nothing to do but wait for Richtofen to finish tearing down the barrier.

Then a shiver ran down his spine. The samurai's six sense. He could hear his sensei yelling at him, "You are a disgrace Takeo. A measly peasant. You have let your comrade die. Shameful."

Takeo sat up and turned to Richtofen. He was still humming to the grinding metal, not even noticing the approaching leaper zombie.

_Dempsey and Nikolai_

Nikolai floored the accelerator and Dempsey yelled, "Grab your cocks and pull up your socks! Let's haul ass!"

The track smashed into the debris at 70 miles per hour. Dempsey slammed forward, but was kept in his seat by the belt. Nikolai hit the steering wheel, but kept going.

"Drink, don't drive" muttered the Russian. The metal screeched and made Dempsey cover his ears. "Damn!' he yelled.

Nikolai bared his teeth and said, "Come on you American built piece of crap! Push through this bitch!"

With a loud groan, the debris gave and sent the duo through. "Awesome!" yelled Dempsey.

Nikolai stopped the truck and took a gulp of vodka. "Cheers my friend!" he said raising the bottle. Dempsey smiled and clacked his fist into the bottle.

Then the airbags deployed.

_Richtofen and Takeo_

Normally, Takeo would've shot the thing no problem. But it was a leaper zombie. The thing hadn't notice him yet, but one shot could change that.

Takeo got slowly off the table and assessed the situation. The zombie was about fifteen feet from Richtofen. Five feet was its leaping range, an it had a step of half a foot. Within 30 seconds, he'd kill Richtofen and move on to him.

Takeo thought his options in milliseconds. Katana? No, the thing would notice him approaching. Headshot? No, he'd easily miss at this range.

Then his hand hit something on his belt. He looked down and smiled. "The power of honor explodes!" he said grabbing a grenade.

"Ok" he thought holding the cold round device. "I need a headshot. A grenade takes about five seconds before exploding, so maybe three seconds and throw. No, maybe four. Ah, whatever."

Takeo pulled the pin and prayed it wouldn't blow up in his hand. He waited almost four seconds and threw.

The green bomb went through the air and blew up at the leaper's neck. Close enough.

The thing dropped like a stone and Richtofen turned to see what was going on. He saw the decapitated zombie and Takeo standing there. But what really got his attention was the giant green floating ammo box.

Richtofen yelled in joy and said, "Max Ammo! More toys for the children!" Takeo reloaded and grabbed the box.

_Dempsey and Nikolai_

Dempsey was just getting out of the smoking truck when he heard a demonic voice yell, "MAX AMMO!" Dempsey went over to one of the market stalls and quickly swiped a pair of sunglasses. He smiled and said, "I got two fully packed guns, a stomach full of moonshine, and I'm wearing shades. URA!"

Nikolai got out of the car and yelped in joy. "YES! It refilled my vodka! I mean, uh, Max Ammo!" Dempsey looked around and said, "Well ain't this place sad."

The area they were in now resembled a town in Renaissance. Buildings with clay tiles were all bunched together and the sidewalks were square marble.

Dempsey eyed one structure in particular and said, "Holy crap."

The building was an exact replica of the Parthenon. All the pillars were there, the roof was the exact shape, and the courtyard they were standing in was flawless.

Nikolai looked at it and said, "Damn, it looks just like the picture in my textbook. Of course I stole that textbook, but whatever."

Dempsey walked over to a large chalk outline and said, "Buy." A large shotgun fell into his hands. A Stakeout. "Awesome!" he yelled pumping the action.

He hugged the gun close to him and said, "I'll name you Kathy, after my old girlfriend. She's an expert at blowing stuff." Nikolai laughed and said, "I feel like making some kind of witty comment. Oh well, I'll just have a drink."

Dempsey pointed inside the Parthenon and said, "Wonder what's in there?" He went inside and scanned the area. No zombies.

He went over to the odd machine and said, "Ah you. My second favorite sweet drink." Nikolai studied it and said, "I don't like it. I prefer having my weapon shooting all over to the damn place."

Dempsey patted the Deadshot Daiquiri machine and said, "Sorry gal. Me and Jugger-girl already got something going, so I have to decline."

Nikolai scoffed and said, "Never stopped me at the pubs. If a woman asked, she received. No questions asked."

Dempsey shrugged and walked out of the Parthenon. Then he noticed something. "Aw piss" he muttered pulling out his MP5K. He ran back inside and said, "We've got incoming shit bags!" Nikolai growled and said, "Come on undead bastards! I got a body full of vodka and a gun full of bullets. BRING IT!"

**Well, that was fun. I have to ask, do some people just wake up and say, "I'm feeling like making a bunch of good jokes." Because these guys do it all the time! I MUST KNOW! Bye!**


	8. Chapter 8: Haunted House

**Greetings! If you are reading this, then you have probably noticed we have a new rating! Never thought I'd write a T story before, but nevertheless! Back to the brink!**

Richtofen and Takeo

Richtofen placed a chunk of debris along with the others and said, "Finally!"

Richtofen jumped out of the cockpit and said, "Let's go Takeo!"

Takeo walked over to him and said, "Let's find that power switch."

The place they walked into had a Gothic vibe going on. The ground was black and stained red. The trees were lifeless and sharpened to tips. The stalls were draped black and the buildings were dark stone.

Richtofen whistled and said, "This is just like my mind! Except I don't remember that tree there, it was a little to the right."

Takeo shivered and said, "It's gotten colder already. This place reeks of dishonor."

Richtofen went over to a chalk outline and smiled. "I know what dis one is!" he giggled in joy. He bought it and laughed manically as he brought the hammer back on the MP40.

He sniffed the gun and said, "It even smells deadly. Like metal and gunpowder. And lemon, where the hell did that come from?"

Takeo looked around and said, "Whoa." Richtofen turned to his speechless friend and said, "What is it brother?" Takeo simply pointed.

Richtofen looked and his jaw dropped. The place Takeo was pointing at was an enormous castle. It was the size of several soccer fields and made of pure stone. The walls were gray and the windows were boarded up. Outside, a sign that read Count Dracula's Castle was in disrepair.

Richtofen gulped and said, "Sure it's been enough! But look at the condition! This house needs a V8!" He laughed and said, "Come on Takeo. The power is there, I know it."

"How?" asked Takeo. Richtofen looked at him and said, "Because it's big, dark, scary, and I really don't want to go. That's how I know."

Dempsey and Nikolai

Nikolai punched a zombie in the ribs and stabbed it in the eye. "Eat Russian steel hell pig!" he yelled in his drunken voice.

Dempsey blasted off the left side of a zombie's face and muttered, "The other half looked better anyway."

Nikolai dropped three undead with a grenade and said, "Ammo is lower then the number of chicks Takeo's slept with!"

Dempsey slammed in a shell into his Stakeout and kicked a zombie away. "Back up flesh bag! The ass-kicking line is one at a time!"

Nikolai threw a grenade and made several crawlers. "Where the hell did your legs go?" he muttered. Dempsey killed the last zombie and said, "Let's get the fuck out of here."

Richtofen and Takeo

The castle was just as dark and murky on the inside as the outside. The halls were carpeted blood red and many fake war trophies hung from the walls. Various suits of armor were all over the hall, holding a variety of medieval weapons.

Richtofen chuckled and said, "Look at this stuff!" He picked up a mace and said, "Ah, it's the thing I used to tenderize the human!" He held a sword and said, "Hey, it's the thing I used to cut off the limbs! I liked arms the best. Legs were always too dense."

Takeo observed all this with a dead pan stare. His grandfather always told him cannibalism was a thing for peasants, not samurai. This Doctor's eating habits were disgusting.

Takeo stopped and said, "Hey Doctor, this you might wanna see." Richtofen put down the weapons (or cooking utensils to him) and said, "Ja Ja, what is it?"

On the wall was a large furry object. Supposedly it was a trophy of war, but Richtofen and Takeo knew better. It was a teddy bear. It held a large bushel of pink cotton candy in one hand/paw and a corndog in the other.

Richtofen scowled and said, "I fucking hate these teddy bears. There eyes follow you, like Nikolai's picture." He lifted his MP40 and shot it once in the forehead. A familiar ringing went out and Takeo said, "Oh crap. Another great Easter egg to uncover."

Richtofen reloaded and said, "I'm tired of Samantha and her little games. I swear to you Takeo, when we get the chance, I will avenge what Samantha has done to us."

Takeo stopped. That was the sanest thing he had heard Richtofen say. It was also the most malicious one. Pure hatred overcame insanity. Richtofen was planning something.

But before he could inquire more, they had reached a room. Richtofen went ahead and came back a few moments later. "Ok, I have good news and bad news" he said returning. "The good news is there's something cool in this room. The bad news is this is the end of the ride."

Takeo entered the room and looked around. The room was a derelict foyer, similarly designed to the one in Kino Der Toten. Couches were set up around the ground level, and cobwebs plagued the walls.

Richtofen smiled and said, "Rather homey, isn't it?" He sat on a couch and propped his feet up on a coffee table. "Might as well relax" he said closing his eyes.

Takeo looked around and said, "Well, what is so 'cool' as you put it?" Richtofen pointed to the balcony and said, 'Find out for yourself."

Takeo rolled his eyes and began walking. He reached the top of the stairs and looked around. Nothing. Then he noticed the yellow vending machine. He smiled. Stamin-up. How he loved its extreme sour taste.

Takeo began walking down from the balcony but stopped. Another leaper was sneaking up Richtofen! This one was almost five feet from him and approaching fast. Shit.

Takeo tried to signal Richtofen, but he was still dozing off.

Then without warning, Richtofen stood up and threw his knife. It sank into the leaper's neck and caused it to gurgle in pain. Richtofen ran towards it and whirled behind it. Laughing maniacally, he grabbed the knife and began sawing through the zombie's neck. The leaper let out one last groan of pain and collapsed, with no head attached.

Richtofen laughed and licked the blade. "Uh the blood. It's so, WUNDERBAR!" he cried.

Takeo just nearly gagged. Richtofen was normally crazy, but this was fucking ridiculous.

**Well, crap. I have no witty comment to make. That just sucks. Bye!**


	9. Chapter 9: Redneck County

**Well, I have reached a compromise! If you have read the reviews, it seems I still need some improvement. So I have given improvement! I have added more German for Richtofen to speak! Hope you like it!**

_Dempsey____and____Nikolai_

The two zombie slayers stopped and examined there situation.

"Well ain't that a sack of shit!' yelled Dempsey. In front of them was not a barricade, but a whole damn house! The building originally had the tunnel built into it, but something collapsed it and buried the tunnel.

"This is bullshit!" said Nikolai. Dempsey examined the wall and said, "Grenades won't work. Even with all of ours, it'd just sink more building into the tunnel."

Nikolai turned to his left and smiled. "Maybe this will" he said walking over to it.

Dempsey looked and saw Nikolai standing in front of a shop window. The shop was a make believe tool store. The window display held hammers, picks, and axes.

Wait a sec, axes! Dempsey smiled and thought, "Maybe Nikolai is smarter drunk."

Dempsey walked over to the window and pulled out his Stakeout. "Cover your eyes" he instructed to Nikolai.

Nikolai obliged and Dempsey fired a shell. The window blew apart instantly.

Dempsey grabbed an axe and handed it to Nikolai. "Get chopping" he said smiling.

_Richtofen and Takeo_

The odd duo walked out of the haunted house and Takeo said, "Now what?"

Richtofen looked around and said, "Hey look! A gate!" Richtofen went over to it and pushed. It whined, but opened.

He stopped and shrugged. "I guess I should be grateful it's easy."

The two warriors (well, a warrior and a doctor) walked inside and Richtofen whistled. "Wow."

The area they were in was very similar to the first room, but was instead had a lot more rides. To the left was a bumper cars station and a swinging ship. To the right was a huge building without a sign and a couple of game stalls.

Then Richtofen noticed something. "No way" he muttered. He walked towards it and laughed in joy. "Ja! We have it!" Takeo looked and saw Richtofen hugging the Juggernog machine.

Richtofen smiled and said, "Ze nog of the jugs! Oh, now I get ze joke!"

Takeo stepped towards it and said, "Ah, the honorable nog. Finally, it is ours!"

_Dempsey and Nikolai_

Dempsey swung his ax and broke a rather large board. "Ok, that's good" he yelled to his Russian partner.

Nikolai nodded and threw the ax aside. "About time. That was longer then welfare line in motherland!"

Dempsey dropped the ax and said, "Check this place out!" The area was a massive pavilion with multiple rides inside. Nikolai shrieked and said, "No way!" He ran to a stall and said, "By God, I love this game!"

Dempsey looked in the stall and saw a single large board with a hole drilled in it. The sign above the stall said Cornhole.

Dempsey burst out laughing and said, "Yep, we're in Redneck County."

Nikolai threw a bean bag and missed. "Stupid govno!" he yelled. Dempsey picked up a bag and landed it dead center in the hole.

Nikolai glared at him and said, "Fuck you." Dempsey chuckled and walked away.

Dempsey stopped and noticed something. Well, two things. First, he noticed the Juggernog machine. He was about to yell in joy when he noticed two figures standing there.

He raised his MP5K and was about to fire when he noticed they weren't decaying. They looked bloodied, but their flesh was still attached. They appeared to be carrying weapons and even a katana.

Wait, a katana? Then that must be…

Dempsey cupped his hands and said, "Hey Takman!"

Takeo turned and said, "Ah, hello American! Good to see you." Richtofen scoffed and said, "Yes, vell, I suppose I need someone to distract ze zombies, so it's good to see you too Dempsey."

Dempsey smiled and said, "Glad to see you again too, Doctor Shithead! Do any questionable things to some corpses while I was gone?"

They were all interrupted when they heard Nikolai yell, "Yes, yes! I did it! This game rocks!"

Richtofen sighed and said, "I know I'll regret dis, but vhat is our drunk Russian comrade doing?"

Dempsey smiled and said, "Cornhole."

Richtofen raised an eyebrow and said, "Cornhole? I visited America for three years und I don't know vhat that is."

Dempsey shrugged and said, "Whatever. I didn't even know Nikolai knew about."

"Of course I know about it" said Nikolai suddenly appearing. "It's a very popular game for us drunks."

Dempsey shrugged and said, "So, what did you guys learn?"

After about twenty minutes of explaining what everyone had found, Dempsey said, "So you haven't found the power yet?"

Richtofen shook his head and said, "Nein. All ve found is some perk machines und guns. Even though that new perk sounds very interesting."

Nikolai nodded and said, "Very. But there is still one place we haven't checked."

"Where, you Cossack beast?" asked Takeo impatiently.

Nikolai scowled and pointed. "There you samurai zhopa."

The building he pointed to was the large non descript one that was to the north. From this distance, the group could see what was left of the letters. They spelled Tunnel of Love.

"Tunnel of Love? Shit." muttered Dempsey.

Richtofen shook his head and said, "Oh scheisse dis is not going to be fun. No fun at all."

Nikolai took a gulp of vodka and said, "I don't care how drunk I am, I am NOT going in a Tunnel of Love with three other men!"

Takeo stood up and said, "Me neither. There is no honor to be with other men in such a place."

Dempsey fired a shot in the air and yelled, "Shut the hell up!" And they all did.

Dempsey sighed and said, "We're going, because that's where the power is, and we need all of us to support each other."

Nikolai nodded and said, "I'll go, but if you even look at me Takeo, I'll feed you your balls. Oh right, you have none."

Takeo scowled and said, "Then do not even think about me Russian okama, or I'll pluck out your eyes."

Richtofen stood up and said, "Stop talking about removing body parts! You're making me hungry!"

Dempsey rolled his eye and said, "Well, let's get going." 

**Noticed the change didn't ya? Vell, if you didn't, then die in a hole! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it! Goodbye!**


	10. Chapter 10: Power outage

**Well, if you can remember, our zombie killing team was just entering the Tunnel of Love. Great idea right? Of course. **

Dempsey had point, Richtofen and Takeo had the left and right flanks, and Nikolai guarded the back.

"If you even think about it" said Dempsey glaring at Richtofen, "I'll break your legs and make you walk home."

Richtofen smiled and replied, "Sounds like Waffen SS training."

Takeo held his Katana close, in case a zombie got any funny ideas.

Nikolai held his MP5K at his hip, trailing behind the group.

Along the way they passed a great many abandoned carts and various stages with statues and paintings of Cupid and stuff like that.

Dempsey smiled and said, "I remember this ride. Don't remember all this though. Must've been the matters on hand."

Nikolai chuckled and said, "My version of a tunnel of love was a hallway with whores just hanging around. Or basically, the second story of my house."

Takeo scoffed at them and said, 'I knew Nikolai had no honor, but I would've thought you'd have more American."

"Honor?" asked Dempsey looking at the samurai. "Don't tell me about honor. At least in our country, women aren't treated like shit all the time. We actually respect them, usually more then they respect us."

Richtofen coughed and said, "Respect, honor, who gives a scheisse?" I don't like being dis close to you people, so shut up and keep walking!"

Dempsey smiled and said, "My pleasure."

At the end of the ride, there was a large storage room. Inside was a large generator. Dempsey smiled and said, "Finally." He went towards it and pulled the big switch.

Suddenly, the lights came on and so did the music. Dempsey smiled and said, "Awesome."

Nikolai looked to his right and said, "Cool, check this out." He went over to it and said, "Oh I think this is it."

The thing he stood over was a box. It was around six feet long and a foot wide. It was pale brown and had several white question marks on it.

Nikolai flipped the latch and activated the cycle. A bunch of weapons scrolled by, before finally settling on a rocket launcher.

Nikolai scowled and grabbed it. "When am I going to use this?' he yelled in frustration.

Richtofen came over and said, "Ah, my favorite box. It's like Christmas! But I see no bow. Oh vell, it'll do." He flipped the latch and waited for it to stop. Then it settled on a green sniper rifle. He picked it up and said, "Boom! Clack clack boom! Hey that vas a nice rhythm!"

Takeo activated the box and got a Python. "How dare you, dishonorable box!" he yelled.

Dempsey came over and activated it. After a minute, he got a crossbow. "Death at a distance! URA!"

Then the power shut off.

Dempsey slammed his foot into the ground and yelled, "What the dick!"

Richtofen lit a flare and said, "Vhat ze hell? Maybe ze generator is out of fuel?"

Nikolai checked and said, "Nope. Gauge is on F. I assume that means full."

Dempsey yelled in frustration and said, "What happened? This has never happened before. Fucking great."

Nikolai raised a hand to silence them and said, "You hear that?"

Dempsey shook his head and said, "Nope."

Richtofen shushed him and said, "Vait, I hear it. No zhat's just ze voices. Ah, ze voices!"

Nikolai slammed his foot and said, "Shut the hell up! It's getting closer!"

Then they heard a loud squeaking sound. It was momentary, but they all lifted their guns.

"Oh crap" muttered Dempsey

Takeo raised the Python and cocked the hammer. Richtofen brought the bolt back on L96A1 and slammed it forward. Nikolai raised the sights on the LAW and Dempsey loaded in an explosive bolt into the crossbow.

The squeaking became louder and more frequent, like footsteps. Dempsey snarled and said, "Come on. I don't bite. Much."

Something appeared from the shadows outside the flare. Its dotted clothes were mud and blood stained. Its curly red hair was either missing or knotted together. Its face was looked like melted wax and its eyes sagged. Electric sparks danced across the things body and made it emit a blue glow.

It was a clown. A zombified clown.

"Holy shit" muttered Dempsey.

The clown roared and charged. Nikolai fired a rocket and got it straight in the chest. Dempsey fired a bolt and nailed it in the heart. Both exploded, but didn't even slow it.

Takeo fired all six of his revolver shots and attempted to pull out his katana, but was hit by the clown. It swung and clocked the samurai in the jaw.

Takeo stepped away and raised the katana. The clown stopped and cocked its head sideways, like a dog. Takeo stopped and looked in the thing's eyes. In them, he saw something. It was a picture of a girl in a filthy dress. He had never seen her before, but he knew who she was.

Samantha Maxis.

Then it was gone, replaced by blood and gore. The clown screamed and grabbed the remains of its head. It dropped and slowly bled out on the concrete.

"Damn" muttered Nikolai. Richtofen lowered his smoking L96A1 and said "So, those things turn off ze power. Samantha's getting creative."

Dempsey loaded another bolt into his crossbow and said, "Jesus. That thing took a crossbow, a LAW, AND a Python! Shit, this isn't good."

Richtofen reloaded and said, "I predict, we need to slay zese clowns to get the ze power back on. It's slaughter time!"

Dempsey scoffed and said, "Hey, that's my line."

**Come on Richtofen. Stealing someone's lines is like stealing kills. It just gets fucking annoying. See ya!**


	11. Chapter 11: Clown hunt

**So, first it was hellhounds, then a scientist who stole your guns, then monkeys who stole your perks, then George A. Romero, THEN a zombie filled with napalm and a screecher zombie, and then an astronaut. And now, there are clowns. Enjoy!**

Nikolai

The Russian sipped his vodka and said, "Stupid clowns." He was scanning around the haunted house area for those zombies, with no success.

"This is bullshit!" he yelled. Two things were pissing him off. One, he hadn't found a fricking clown in ten minutes. Second, the box had disappeared and no one had found.

Nikolai took a swig and said, "Stupid box, giving me shit and leaving. Just like 2nd wife."

Nikolai sat down on a table and said, "I'll just wait for the power to come on. Then I'll get a few drinks. Probably Juggernog. Maybe I'll try White Lightning. Interesting idea."

A loud squeaking noise stopped his random thoughts. He stood up and raised the LAW. The clown that had appeared had blue hair and yellow clothes. It was easily ten feet from him and standing still.

"Boom" whispered Nikolai before firing the rocket. It caught the clown in the jaw and separated its head from its body.

Nikolai smiled and said, "I hope that hurt!"

Richtofen

Richtofen hummed a song to himself as he waved the rifle in air. "Eenie meenie miney moe, I shall smack you like a hoe." He chuckled and leaned on a post.

His job was to patrol the fake rock valley, and he hadn't found a single clown, or the box. He finally gave up and decided to snipe them out.

He crouched down and looked around. No sign of any electric clown zombies. And they thought he was crazy.

He looked around and said Nikolai lying on a bench, napping. No surprise there. Dempsey was trying to look tough, holding his crossbow in the typical Yankee way. Takeo was walking in the carousel, Python and katana in either hand.

He scanned the area again. Still nothing. But he heard something through the voices. It sounded like breathing. Not his breathing, a deep, irregular one.

He removed his eye from the scope and thought back to his SS training. His instructor had once told him during an assault exercise "If there iz no enemy to your left, or your right, or directly in front of you, zhen he most certainly behind you."

Richtofen stood and turned. He raised the rifle and brought it down. The clown, which he knew was there, grabbed the rifle and stopped its descent. It roared and got in Richtofen's face. "Don't mess up your makeup" Richtofen said shoving it away. He fired from the hip and nailed a round into its jaw.

It charged forward and grabbed Richtofen. Instead of stopping, it kept going and charged through the platform.

Richtofen knew he was only twenty feet off the ground, but that was still high enough to break bones. He grabbed the clown and turned it around, so the clown was closet to the ground. It roared and tried to biter him. He yelled "Nien!" and broke its cheek. Then they hit.

The landing sent concussions racing through Richtofen's body and made his vision blur. Very erotic to him.

The zombie though, had caved inward. Its rib cage had collapsed and it had made a mess of its internal organs. Its arms broke and released Richtofen.

The doctor stood up and brushed himself off. Bits of bone and gore were plastered to his uniform. The average person would've been disgusted, but Richtofen just considered it spilling his dinner.

Richtofen looked at the clown and yelled, "I drink your pain!"

Dempsey 

The American stopped and listened. He had heard something. Kinda sounded like breaking wood.

He shrugged and kept walking. He was back at the Renaissance Rome area, patrolling. Nothing.

He sat at the steps of the Parthenon and lied down. He could seriously use a 5 Hour Energy.

Dempsey heard a squeaking noise and sat up. Where was it?"

He smiled and moved in a crouch. Time for a hunt. He walked slowly off the steps and the noise got louder. Getting warmer.

He stopped at a street corner and looked quickly around it. Clear. He crept forward and peered around another.

There it was. Its hair was mustard yellow and its skin was gray. Its clothes were shredded and sparks flashed all around it.

Dempsey settled and aimed the crossbow at the base of the neck. A hit there would cause instant severing of the spinal cord and decapitation from the explosion.

He took the shit and missed by an inch. It hit, but struck lower. It exploded and opened a hole in the chest cavity, but it still stood.

Dempsey swore and pulled out his Stakeout. He fired a shell and nailed it in the knee. A crippling wound

The thing turned and limped quickly to him.

Dempsey shot out the other knee and sent it to its knees. He kicked it in the face and sent it to the ground.

He pumped the action and aimed it at the clown's face. "Mother less flesh addict" he muttered before spreading its brains all over the sidewalk.

Takeo

The samurai examined the Double Tap machine. Still no power. He hit the machine in frustration and walked out of the carousel.

He went over to a stand and picked up what passed for food in America. A corndog.

He took a bite and shrugged. He had eaten worse. Takeo bit off the rest and threw the stick away. Amazing what these Americans eat.

He stopped when he was his opponent. A clown. It stood, waiting for him to move. Its clown clothes were in ruins and stained. His skin was mostly missing and electricity flowed over him.

Takeo swallowed and bowed. "May you die honorably" The clown roared and Takeo raised the katana. It charged ahead with its arms out, ready to grab him.

The thing got within three feet of him when Takeo crouched and swung the katana. The steel sliced through the organs and spine like butter.

Takeo stood and looked down. Two halves of the clown lay at his feet, with the assorted blood and guts. The upper half, amazingly, was still alive, flailing its arms around and trying to grab him.

Takeo brought the sword through its head and said, "My legs are not honor-less clown!"

Then suddenly, all the lights came back on. The carousel started spinning and playing music. He saw the enormous Ferris Wheel light up and the Tunnel of Love come on.

Takeo smiled and started walking to the first room. "Time for a taste of home" he muttered.

**Awesome right? I'll be sure to update ASAP. Bye!**


	12. Chapter 12: Drinks all around

**I'm back! So, we left our heroes just after they killed all the clowns. Now, the powers back, and drinks are on me!**

Dempsey

The American gulped down the red concoction and burped. He hugged the machine and said, "If loving a machine is a sin I'm going to Hell."

Dempsey walked into the Ferris Wheel area and saw several chalk outlines. One was obviously the claymores, the second was the M16, but the third he didn't recognize. He walked over to it and examined some graffiti over it. The graffiti said, "Grab the hatchet."

Dempsey shrugged and said, "Guess simplicity is the pursuit of perfection." He bought the thing and examined it. It was a two foot long silver hatchet. The blade was razor sharp and the handle was navy blue. He smiled and felt the weight. Perfect for throwing at a few heads.

He hung it at his side and said, "My grandpa always told me I had Apache ancestors."

He went over to the M16 and bought it. He raised the gun and said, "I'm gonna buy my five year old one of these when she's old enough."

Nikolai

The box clicked through the cycle and settled on a Spectre. Nikolai shrugged and grabbed the SMG. "Any MG is a friend of Nikolai" he muttered.

Then the leaper zombie landed on him. "Stupid zhopa!" he yelled punching it in the face. It clawed at his face and made Nikolai yell, "Not the face! Damn it not the FACE!"

Suddenly, six shots fired through the air and nailed the leaper zombie. It turned and yelled.

Then a whirling chunk of steel flew and nailed the zombie in the face. Then a large figure jumped at it, grabbed the hilt, and ran the blade through its skull.

Takeo

Takeo pulled the blade out of the leaper zombie and looked at the fallen Soviet. He was holding an M1911 and lying down.

"How's the weather down there?" asked Takeo enjoying this moment. Nikolai rolled his eyes and said, "Ha ha, very funny. Now shut the hell and revive me!" Takeo pulled out his set of needles and said, "Ok, but this might hurt a bit."

Richtofen

The German gulped down the strong drink and burped. He smiled and said, "I don't know vhy ve have to drink dis to hold three guns, but I really don't feel like breaking ze 3rd wall now."

Richtofen walked over to where the box was and noticed Nikolai and Takeo yelling at each other. It sounded pretty heated.

Richtofen activated the box and hummed the jingle. Then it stopped on the best thing imaginable.

"YES!" he yelled grabbing the gun. He smiled and said, "I love you Ray. You vill be mine, ALL MINE!"

Nikolai looked at the Ray Gun and said, "You lucky bastard! I got a stupid SMG!"

Takeo walked over to the box and flipped the latch. Then it settled on a FN-FAL. Takeo shrugged and grabbed the rifle. "This gun will make you fucking fail" said Takeo smiling.

Nikolai growled and pushed him aside. "Fuck you all!" he yelled. He glared at the box and said, "Give me something, or I'll use you as firewood!" He angrily activated the box and it settled on a SPAS-12.

Nikolai laughed maniacally and said, "12 gauge fury!"

Dempsey came over and said, "Hey, let the American have a turn!" He flipped the latch and the box settled on two CZ75's. Dempsey smiled and grabbed the two pistols. "Shoot from the left, then the right. Then go back again! Ha ha!"

Dempsey backed away from the box and said, "Anybody find the Pack-a-Punch?"

Takeo shook his head and said, "No Yankee. It does not appear to be anywhere."

Richtofen chimed in and said, "How about ze Ferris Wheel?"

Nikolai shrugged and said, "I'll look for it."

After a few minutes, Nikolai came back smiling.

"Why are you smiling?" asked Dempsey nervously.

"The Pack-a-Punch is on the Ferris Wheel" said Nikolai pointing to it.

"Wunderbar!" exclaimed Richtofen. "I must see it!"

The group went to the steps of the Ferris Wheel and walked up to the platform. The cars of the Ferris Wheel were five feet long and ten feet wide. Inside the first car was the familiar blue and yellow machine. Except it was turned off.

Dempsey grabbed Nikolai and said, "What's this shit you're trying to pull eh?" Nikolai sputtered and said, "You didn't ask if it was working or not!"

Dempsey pushed him away and said, "Fuck you."

Richtofen examined the machine and said, "Vell, dis explains it. Ve need to activate ze Ferris Wheel's cycle to activate it."

Dempsey sat on a bench and said, "Well let's go already! I have an M16 just waiting for promotion."

Richtofen slammed a rather large button and the car lurched forward. The car began climbing slowly and shook lightly. And sure enough, the Pack-a-Punch turned on.

Dempsey yahooed and placed his M16 in the slot. "This is like waiting for the midnight release!" he said excited. He pulled out the Skullcrusher and said, "Say hello, to my little friend!"

Nikolai placed the SPAS-12 in and muttered, "Fucking welfare line. Always takes forever." He grabbed the SPAZ-24 and said, "Automatic shotgun! The definition of brutality!"

Takeo inserted his FN-FAL in the machine and said, "Only a fool would make a samurai wait!" The new gun popped out and Takeo said, "Yes, it will be epic indeed."

Richtofen inserted his MP40 and said, "I thought German ingenuity included FASTER PRODUCTION!" He pulled out the Afterburner and said, "It's completely red! Just like vhen I use!"

Dempsey poked his head out of the side of the car and muttered, "Holy piss shit!" "Guys" he said looking behind him. "You're gonna wanna see this."

The others came over and saw what Dempsey was talking about. The gates surrounding the carousel ware closed, but that wasn't it. It was the mass congregation of zombies behind those gates. 

"Yebat" muttered Nikolai. Richtofen raised his L96A1 and said, "There heads vill be mine!"

The German crouched down and eliminated a zombie's forehead. "BOOM GOES YOUR HEAD!" he yelled in joy.

Dempsey activated his grenade launcher and fired. It blew apart a crowd on the east gate and made several crawlers. "Limbs flying, zombies dying! Another day in Paradise!"

Takeo fired slow, considerate shots from his EPC WN with the hardest of concentration. And poor Nikolai, without a useful weapon, sat on the bench, drinking vodka.

Eventually, they reached the bottom of the Ferris Wheel again. They jumped out and Richtofen said, "I'll cover ze east. Dempsey get west, Takeo north, and Nikolai south!"

No one argued, so they ran towards their spots.

**Let the chaos commence! I'll update soon!**


	13. Chapter 13: Bloody Sunday

**Hello**** faithful readers! Sorry it's been a little while, I just suffered from a little writer's block. Anyway, wasn't I on the big climax action scene? Oh yeah, I was! And we're back!**  
>Dempsey<p>

The Marine roared and unleashed a bullet storm on the approaching hoard. The enhanced bullets tore right through the skulls and landed on others behind it. He popped out the empty mag and slammed in another.

"Eat lead, shit lickers!" yelled Dempsey.

Nikolai

The Russian popped out an empty shell and loaded in another. "One shell for 24 shots? Sounds like BS."

He blasted away a zombie and saw a hole right through him. "Hollow, just like Stalin" he muttered.

Takeo

The samurai threw aside his empty mag and inserted another. "Your brains need some oxygen. I'll gladly make an air hole!"

Takeo glanced to his left and noticed the large floating green power up. "It's katana time!" he yelled grabbing the skull.

Richtofen 

The German yelled in joy and said, "Stabbing! YES!" He whirled out his blade and knifed a zombie in the gut. As usual, the thing's head exploded.

Richtofen chuckled and said, "He lost his head. Just like Dempsey."

Nikolai

The Cossack punched a zombie and caused its head to come off. "Russian one-two combo hell-pig!" he yelled.

He swung and kept swinging, tearing apart the hoard. "URA!" he yelled.

Dempsey

The American pulled out his pistols and smacked a zombie aside the head. "Stupid bitch!" he yelled. He kicked a zombie away and tore apart its head with bullets.

"Your face actually looks better that way" said Dempsey laughing.

Takeo 

The Japanese soldier kicked away a zombie and said, "Don't you guys know patience is a virtue?" He blasted away the offending zombie and said, "In my country, we would've strapped you to a log and thrown you in a river! Be glad I just shoot you!"

Richtofen

The Doctor reloaded his Afterburner and said, "You guys are like a puppy in a blender. You just don't hold together!"

He fired all 64 shots and watched the entire crowd disappear. He whined and said, "Aw, you just disintegrated. Just like the Mexican!"

Richtofen laid down on the ground and breathed heavily. "Exhaustion..good for..torture" he panted. He pointed to one cloud and said, "Zhat one looks like a pool of blood. And zhat one looks like a spleen. Oh, and zhat one looks like a decapitated head."

A single raindrop on his nose stopped his mad mumbling.

He wiped it off his nose and examined it. Yep, definitely rain.

He sat up and said, "Rain's coming!"

Then it started to pour.

Nikolai

The Russian spat in disgust and said, "Ugh, I hate rain. It kills my buzz."

He looked over to his right and saw Dempsey saying something. "Grab shelter!" it sounded like.

Nikolai ran over to him and said, "I saw a picnic area near the northwest." Dempsey nodded and the duo ran to the pavilion.

They reached it and stepped under the wooden roof. The rain pounded on the old oak, but so far no holes were there. There were several benches around the area, where Richtofen and Takeo sat.

Dempsey sat down and said, "Hey Takman. Richtofen." Takeo nodded and Richtofen remained silent.

Nikolai smiled and said, "So, who wants to start a fire?" Takeo scowled and said, "With what?"

Nikolai rolled his eyes and pointed at a table. Dempsey stood up and curb-stopped a bench. It cracked instantly under his size 11's.

Dempsey grabbed the wood and threw it into a pile. "Start cracking" he said walking to another table.

After about five minutes of frustrated breaking, they had a decent pile to burn. Richtofen lit a match and threw it in the pile. After a few seconds, it started to ignite. In a minute, it was a blaze.

Dempsey smiled and warmed his hands over the fire. "I love fire. It reminds me, of, well, me!" he said chuckling.

Richtofen smiled and said, "Yes Dempsey. You are a real flamer." Richtofen laughed and slapped his knee.

Dempsey growled and kicked Richtofen in the crotch. The German groaned in pain and sank to his knees. "Fuck you" he groaned.

Dempsey smiled and said, "When and where? And with who?"

Nikolai grinned and said, "At the carousel in five minutes, with the Jugger-Girl." Dempsey laughed and said, "Good. I'm glad she finally answered my calls."

They both laughed and Takeo poked the fire with his katana. "If you all need anything" he said his attention fully devoted to the fire, "I recommend getting it now. I made a crawler."

Dempsey nodded and stood up. "I'm gonna go hit the box. You wanna come Nikolai?"

The drunk nodded and said, "I guess. I wanted something to replace my Spectre anyway." He stood up and the two walked over to the box hurriedly.

Richtofen stood up and said, "I shall go get some perks. I hope to see you again Takeo." The samurai nodded and said, "Likewise."

DempseyandNikolai

Dempsey ran over to the box and flipped it open. "Come on box' he said impatiently. "It's pouring, and I want my weapon!" Then it settled on the weirdest thing Dempsey had seen.

It looked like the Wunderwaffe DG-2, but a little bulkier. It was completely silver and resembled a double-barrel shotgun. It kinda looked China Lake, but it had no pump and was at least a yard long.

Dempsey picked it up and said, "What the hell is this?" Nikolai looked at it and said, "I'm guessing it's a double barrel grenade launcher."

Dempsey hefted the gun and said, "Well, I guess I'll test it out when the opportunities right."

Nikolai activated the box and it settled on a grenade. It looked like a Stielhandgranate, but it had several long nails attached to it. Nikolai smiled and grabbed it. "Such brutality and efficiency! Just like me!"

Richtofen 

The Doctor grabbed the purple bottle and gulped it down. As usual, it had that odd prune taste to it. And that slimy texture. Richtofen smiled and said, "Trust me, I'm a doctor!" He laughed and walked away from the machine.

**Well, that's my great action scene! More to come next time!**


	14. Chapter 14: Messenger

**Hello fans! Now, this is the big dramatic scene I envisioned. And no, there will be no smooching or anything like that. The title is a good hint though. Enjoy!**

Nikolai

The Russian made it back to the fire first. He sat down beside it and said to Takeo, "I'll watch the fire now." Takeo nodded and walked away.

Nikolai lied back and closed his eyes. Dempsey had said something about getting Stamin-up or something, but Nikolai honestly didn't give a shit.

Nikolai sighed and thought, "Time for a Russian nap."

Dempsey 

The Marine walked through the haunted house, Skullcrusher in hand. Normally, zombies didn't come when they made crawlers, but enough had happened to make Dempsey cautious.

He walked into the foyer of the house and ran up the stairs. He pressed the yellow button on the Stamin-up machine and sure enough, a yellow bottle came out. He grabbed the bottle and unscrewed the cap. This was gonna suck.

He gulped it down and his eyes almost popped out of his head. Dempsey roared and threw aside the bottle. "Tastes like gasoline. URA!"

Richtofen

The German approached the Juggernog machine with hurriedness. He pressed the button and grabbed the red bottle. He drank it down and smiled. "Good nog! Must've come from really good jugs! Ah ha ha!"

He went over to the claymores and bought two of them. He strapped them to his hip and walked back to the picnic area.

He looked at the fire and saw Nikolai sleeping next to it. Richtofen rolled his eyes and sat down.

He looked around to make sure nobody was looking, then he pulled out the Vril Generator. He examined the rod, checking to make sure it had not been damaged during his travels.

He pulled out the Focusing Stone and grasped it greedily. It had lost its perk-giving powers, but it was still radioactive with 115. Richtofen felt the heat radiating off the stone. He felt its power, the power he would need for his plan to succeed.

The voices roared in his head and made Richtofen groan. "Oh shut up!" he said tightening his jaw.

His vision flashed red and a wave of pain came over him. He hunched over and exclaimed, "Nien!"

The pain only intensified and Richtofen pulled out his knife. "Leave me be!" he said driving the blade into his hand.

His vision returned to normal and he sighed in relief. He pulled out a wad of bandages and wrapped it around his hand. He cut the fabric and put away his knife.

"Vhat vas zhat?" thought Richtofen. He was accustomed to voices in his head or occasional lapses of rage, but not that.

Richtofen sighed. He had to get back to Griffin Station. It was only a matter of time before one of the subjects overthrew the programming. All of them seemed to be resisting in some way, especially that infernal American.

Richtofen placed the Focusing Stone and Vril Generator back in his pockets and took a gulp out of his canteen. Only a matter of time…

Dempsey

The American examined his new grenade launcher and saw some writing on the side. He examined it and read it aloud.

"Sonix Launcher" he muttered. He shrugged and said, "Sounds cool. Hopefully it's at least half the gun the Thundergun was."

Richtofen

The German looked up and his heart nearly stopped beating.

Standing in front of him was a zombie. It was wearing a torn-to-shit lab coat and long trousers. Its head was molted gray and one of its eyes were missing. On the left shoulder of the lab coat, Richtofen could make out a Nazi swastika.

Wait a minute, thought the German. Nazis aren't in America. Maybe the Fuhrer was successful…

"Hello Richtofen" said the zombie.

Richtofen's heart skipped a beat. He had heard zombies communicate before, but it was usually very high pitched and unintelligent. This thing almost seemed civilized.

"Vho are you?" asked Richtofen with a shaky voice. The zombie smiled with barely any teeth and said, "Vhy, you don't recognize me? I am your fellow scientist, Doctor Maxis."

Richtofen's breathing shortened. It couldn't be. Maxis was locked back in some godforsaken room in Der Riese.

The zombie frowned and said, "I am not dead Richtofen, as you vill soon find zhat out." Richtofen snarled and said, "Vhat do you vant?"

Maxis smiled and said, "I am just a messenger. I come here to deliver a message, from my dear darling Samantha." Richtofen scowled and said, "Vhat message?"

Maxis's smile flattened and he said, "Just dis. My daughter knows of your plan. She vill not allow it to happen. She vill kill you."

Richtofen growled and said, "Vell, I got a message for her. Tell zhat bitch she won't be able to screw around with me for long. I vill have the power I seek, and she vill die."

Maxis let out an ear-splitting scream and Richtofen covered his ears. Richtofen fell to the ground and closed his eyes.

The scream ended and Richtofen felt something grab his shirt. He sensed someone lifting him up and opened his eyes.

And stared straight into the face of Dr. Maxis. The real one, with skin and eye still attached. Maxis growled and said, "Now you listen to me. You vill not harm my daughter. Your comrades shall know of your treachery, and string you up. You vill die, and share de same cell vith me in hell!"

Maxis screamed and his face returned to the zombie's. Richtofen yelled in fear and closed his eyes. It didn't help. The image was burned into his mind.

Richtofen opened his eyes and looked around. No zombie, nobody but Nikolai sleeping. Richtofen checked his hands. One of them was still normal, the other was wrapped in bandages.

"So, it vas a vision?" said Richtofen aloud. He sighed and took a gulp of water. Somehow, Samantha must've entered his mind and planted that vision. "So she's gotten even more powerful" he muttered.

Richtofen looked up at the sky and said, "Maxis, you're wrong. My plan vill succeed." He looked in the heart of the fire and said, "Zhat is all you are Maxis. Ashes. Just ashes underneath my boots."

**Well, I liked writing this chapter. But the next one is where Dempsey tries out the Sonix Launcher. (Hint: It's beast!) Come back next time!**


	15. Chapter 15: Trial by fire

**HELLO! Well, I've run out of witty comments, so read on!**

Dempsey

The American ran, panting through the gate with the rain pounding on his face. "Stupid crawler" he muttered.

He turned and fired a whole Skullcrusher clip into the approaching crowd. Obviously the crawler hadn't lasted that long.

He reloaded and kept running. This was very bad.

Takeo

The samurai slashed with his blade and sent a zombie tumbling to the ground. He had let his guard down. It wouldn't happen again.

He lifted his EPC WN and fired repeatedly into the crowd. They were approaching fast and didn't look to be in the mood of stopping.

Takeo reloaded and threw a grenade. It sent chunks of undead flying in the air and made Takeo smile. "I honor the Chinese, for their gift of gunpowder!"

Nikolai and Richtofen

Nikolai unleashed a shotgun barrage on an approaching horde and watched them disintegrate. "Like a knife through my ex-wife!" he yelled.

Richtofen blasted off a zombie's legs with his Ray Gun and said, "Oh look, a crawler. Und all I need vas one shot. How did I not notice zhat?"

Nikolai blasted apart a zombie and said, "This fucking gun is amazing!"

Dempsey

Dempsey fired a grenade and caught a zombie square in the chest. It blew apart, along with a dozen others. "Ha ha, it's raining freak bits!"

Dempsey pulled out the Sonix Launcher and said, "You better fucking work!" He fired a grenade and sent it straight into the crowd.

The grenade hit and caused a massive shockwave throughout the horde. It sounded like the world's loudest guitar riff. The zombies grabbed their heads moments before they blew off.

Dempsey looked at his gun and said, "Holy shit! I like this gun!"

Takeo

Takeo blew apart his last undead and turned right. He saw the American dealing with his own horde, but the Yankee's appeared to be much larger.

"Don't worry American!' shouted Takeo. "Angry samurai incoming!" He sprinted towards him and nailed a few headshots.

Dempsey smiled and said, "Glad to see ya Takman." Takoe scowled and said, "Shut up and shoot!"

Dempsey fired a second Sonix grenade and reloaded. He opened the action and slid in two glowing grenades. "Wow, that was quick" he muttered closing the action.

Takeo threw a grenade and blew apart a zombie, making a crawler. "Hope that one lasts" muttered Dempsey. Takeo scowled and stopped shooting.

In front of the duo was a Max Ammo container. They both reloaded and grabbed it.

Nikolai and Richtofen

Richtofen heard the Max Ammo as soon as the box settled on his new gun. A G11. He cried in joy and said, "Yes, more toys for my pretty ones!"

Nikolai shoved him aside and said, "Whatever, let me have a turn." He unlatched it and waited. And out popped a HK21.

Nikolai let out a high pitched giggle and said, "YES! My darling!" He picked it up and said, "Hello HK, would you like some vodka?"

Dempsey

Dempsey grabbed a bottle of purple fluid and drank it down. As usual, it was so damn chewy.

He gagged and said, "I fucking hate prunes!"

He walked away from the PhD Flopper machine and said, "I guess I could use some claymores."

Takeo

Takeo drank down the brownish root beer and burped. It was good stuff. He smiled and chucked aside the bottle. "Yes, they'll get tapped indeed" he muttered.

Richtofen

Richtofen sighed and added some fuel to the fire. It sparked and ate the old wood.

Richtofen looked at the fire and swore he saw element 115 in the fire, with its glowing rocks and radiation. Then he remembered hot ashes always looked like that.

Eventually, everyone showed up to the fire, except Takeo. "Where's our samurai friend?" asked Richtofen.

Nikolai scowled and said, "Probably talking some shit about honor to a zombie. Seems to be all he's good at."

"And you Cossack, are only good at drinking" said Takeo walking towards them. He held a large RPK in his hands and looked ticked.

Nikolai turned and said, "What, I'm a drunk. Get over yourself." Takeo spat and said, "Stick and stones may break my bones, but my bullets will rip you in half."

Dempsey laughed and said, "Nice Takman." Takeo sat down and said, "What's new? Has anyone found a way out?"

Dempsey shook his head and said, "Nope. The only idea I got is to launch a big ass glider off the Ferris Wheel. Two problems though. One, I don't know how to make a glider. And two, lightning.

Richtofen thought for a moment and said, "I could rebuild that truck you and Nikolai used, but I'd need a metal torch and a bunch of scrap metal."

Takeo shook his head and said, "I'm sure the solution will present itself in time."

Nikolai rolled his eyes and said, "Sure, and let's just roll the fricking dice. See if we get anything. Sounds like craps."

Richtofen stood and said, "I'm going to kill the crawler. I recommend you guys get ready."

**We're ya expecting some big dramatic scene or anything? Good! See ya next time!**


	16. Chapter 16: Ashes

**Well, boys and girls, it's song time! You got it right, time to unveil the song I've been working on! Hope you like it! (Note: CAPS indicate screaming, and breaks form the story indicate singing. Think of "Coming Home" mixed with "Pareidolia" Enjoy!**

Nikolai

The rain finally stopped.

Nikolai looked up at the sky and said, "Thank God. I got nearly a fucking pint of water in my nether regions."

The Russian held his light machine gun gingerly, like one would a baby. 'Don't worry HK. I'll never let them take you."

The drunk looked up and saw the large group of approaching zombies. He lifted the gun and said, "Zombies, your ass is grass, and I'm a lawn mower."

Dempsey

The American loaded a whole Skullcrusher clip into the horde and said, "Undead maggot bags!"

He reloaded and kept shooting. "I'll give you credit zombies, you got no quit in ya!" He pulled out the Sonix Launcher and killed at least fifteen zombies.

"I guess they don't like Behemoth! Ha ha!"

Richtofen

The Doctor blasted a way a zombie with the Ray Gun and said, "Eat my green balls you fucker!" He reloaded and blasted away a zombie's legs. "So short, just like Hitler!"

He pulled out the G11 and said, "Time for your heads to be mine!"

Takeo

The Japanese man fired almost a 100 rounds into the approaching zombies. "Still coming for more? Unbelievable."

He reloaded the rather large magazine and kept shooting. "I will rain bullets down on you in a hurricane of honor!" he yelled proudly.

He saw the large green power-up and dove to get it. "Fire from heaven!" he yelled.

Dempsey

The Yankee was about to fire a grenade when the zombies burst into fire. Dempsey smiled and said, "Zombie BBQ! URA!" Then he saw the large blue power up.

Dempsey laughed and picked up the Death Machine. "Fricking awesome!" he yelled.

Nikolai

Nikolai reloaded the SPAZ 24 and said, "Come on. I still got plenty of shots with your names on it."

He fired off two shots into a zombie and said, "This is why man is on top of pyramid!"

Richtofen

Richtofen stopped shooting and said, "My gate is clear!"

He reloaded and said, "Whatever. I'm going to find that last teddy bear."

Dempsey

The American whooped in joy and fired off never ending shots into the zombies. "Too fucking easy!" he yelled.

The thing stopped shooting and he swore. "Man, I'm gonna miss that gun."

He reloaded his two guns and said, "Time for my last perk."

Nikolai

Nikolai drank the odd brown liquid and smashed it into the ground. "Now my tap has been doubled, but not my vodka!"

He looked to the north and said, "Maybe I should try that White Lightning thingy."

Richtofen 

Richtofen walked inside of the rock valley, the same place where he had fallen off the tower. The clown was still there, still broke. He kicked it and said, "Your pain is my joy!"

He walked over to one of the game stalls and stopped. One of the various prizes there was one of the teddy bears, all bloodied up and holding those two American foods.

Richtofen walked inside and said, "Vell Samantha, I hope you can hear me. I'm coming for you bitch. I'll eliminate you and tear out your black heart. Enjoy your fun, it von't last."

He stabbed the bear and heard the final ring. Then the music started playing.

Dempsey

The American stopped and said, "Oh hell ya! We got a new song!" He walked inside the Hall of Mirrors and bopped his head to the guitar solo. He found Nikolai hitting the White Lightning machine and yelling.

"What the hell are you doing!" he yelled at his Russian friend. Nikolai turned and said, "This dumbass machine won't give me another bottle! That was one of the best things I ever had!" He sobbed and sank to the floor.

Dempsey rolled his eyes and pushed the button. Then he noticed the machine was playing banjo music. He smirked and a small jar came out, filled with clear liquid.

Dempsey examined it and said, "A jar? This is so redneck."

He gulped down the bottle and nearly passed out. It was so alcoholic, it burned his eyes and make his throat sting. Dempsey swallowed and said, "Wow, fire in a bottle! That shit stung!"

The chick started singing and Dempsey said, "Shut up Nikolai! My song's on!"

NOW!

I WILL NO LONGER STAND ASIDE!

AND WATCH AS YOU DECEIVE AND LIE!

I WILL RISE UP AND DESTROY YOU!

AND UNCOVER ALL THAT YOU DO!

From these ashes, I will rise!

I will expose all the lies you tell

And chain you forever into your cell.

You will not escape from me again

For I know of ALL YOUR SIN!

Dempsey smiled and said, "Not bad. Little odd though, but I got used to it a LONG time ago!"

Richtofen 

Richtofen scowled and said, "If you are trying to get on my conscience, you're doing a shitty job."

He knew Samantha's game. She was talking about him, he knew it. It wasn't paranoia, or schizophrenia, it was fact. Then she kept singing and the German listened intently.

BURN!

YOU ARE THE VERMIN OF MY LIFE!

AND I SHALL BRING UPON DEATH'S SCYTHE!

I WILL GRIND YOU INTO POWDER!

AND HANG YOU FROM THE DARK TOWER!

From these ashes, I will rise!

The fires you've set are burning out

And now I've rid myself of doubt.

I will stand up form the flaming wreck

And tighten the noose AROUND YOUR NECK!

Richtofen scoffed and said, "Nice try intimidating me. Ooh, 'tighten the noose'! 'bring upon Death's scythe'! Ooh! Big deal. You don't scare me."

I will rise!

I will rise!

I will rise!

I will RISE!

These ashes you crush will suffocate

These fires you start will overwhelm

AND THIS ROPE WILL DECIMATE YOUR NECK!

The guitars stopped and Richtofen sighed. Worst song ever.

**Interesting right? I hope people like it. Only a few chapters to go! Bye!**


	17. Chapter 17: Unnecassary

**Sorry it's been a while! I've wanted to rewrite this chapter to something a little cooler. Hope you like it!**

The group sat around the dying fire, watching the flames ebb away. The song they had just heard deeply disturbed them. It sounded like Samantha was angry at them.

"That was some freaky shit" muttered Dempsey.

Takeo nodded and replied, "Indeed. She sounded particularly angry."

Nikolai sipped his vodka (which never seems to run out) and said, "She's probably in menopause. Give her some moonshine and she'll get over it."

Richtofen scowled and said, "Don't be ridiculous Cossack. Not everything is solved with alcohol."

Dempsey smiled and said, "Not everything is solved with lacerations, but you seem to make do."

Richtofen scoffed and stood up. "I am leaving" he said walking away. "Don't let the door hit you on the way out!" yelled Dempsey.

Richtofen

Richtofen muttered indecent things to himself as he walked. How dare that American insult him. How was he able to resist the programing? And it wasn't just him. Nikolai occasionally shoved it by remembering his ex-wives. Even Takeo was breaking the programming.

Richtofen sighed. Getting to Griffin Station was looking more difficult by the minute. That stupid shrink ray from Shangri-La had struck a 115 rock and sent everything to shit. Now he was stuck in a goddamn carnival, with the three people he hated and trusted the most.

Dempsey, Nikolai, and Takeo

"Richtofen is so weird" thought Dempsey. "He's supposed to be a scientist, but he's schizophrenic and a sociopath. Not a great combination."

"Anyone know the time?" asked Nikolai holding his glass bottle. "It's impossible to tell with all those fucking clouds."

Dempsey shrugged and said, "Nope. Not a single damn clock in this place. Why does it matter, you got a hot date?"

Nikolai frowned and said, "Time for me to use a common American response: Your mom."

Dempsey laughed and clapped his buddy on the back.

Takeo scowled and laid back. Such odd fellows. A paranoid Nazi, a sociopathic Marine, and an honorless drunk Russian. Where did he fit in all this?

Richtofen

The Doctor stopped at the Tunnel of Love entrance and said, "What the hell is this?" He had just gotten back from getting Deadshot Daiquiri and was just walking around when he saw it.

It was a large square box, about the size and shape of a pizza box. It was colored gray and had an antenna attached to it.

Richtofen pushed a button and a recording started.

"_Entry__log__973.__I,__Doctor_ _Gunn__and__Doctor__Chen__are__searching__the__possibility__of__stabilizing__Subject__14Y__who__seems__to__be__the__most__lucid__of__the__group.__He__appears__to__be__able__to__shut__off__power__systems__by__absorbing__the__electricity.__It__does__not__seem__to__be__a__controlled__ability,__more__of__like__a__passive__reflex.__He__is__quite__fast,__at__twelve__miles__per__hour__and__a__punch__of__approximately__65__pounds__per__square__inch.__So__far__though,__he__seems__to__be__unresponsive__to__orders.__We__have__no__idea__how__to__control__him,__but__all__I__need__is__time.__" _

The tape stopped and Richtofen sighed. Those poor bastards. They must've been experimenting with 115 when they created those clown zombies. Probably had no idea what was happening.

Richtofen walked away and saw another radio on a statue post. He activated it and heard its recording:

"_Entry log 573. I, Doctor Richard and Doctor Carlos have been testing the capabilities of Subject 23C. The subject appears to be capable of leaping large distances, a maximum range we can only guess. His arm joints have been reconstructed to allow greater flexibility, in addition to added leg muscles. Subject is extremely violent, destroying two cages and killing a total of six guards. In short, I think his life is unnecessary." _

Dempsey, Nikolai, and Takeo

Dempsey laid back and closed his eyes. Usually after a while zombies started taking there time, waiting for longer periods to come out. The record was five hours, and Dempsey made sure to savor every minute.

The lights around them flickered off and Dempsey said, "Ah shit." He stood up and said, "Let me guess, we got clowns." Takeo stood up and raised his RPK.

"Wherever they are, they are one second from being buried" said Takeo.

Nikolai stood up and said, "Whatever. I'm sure Richtofen is looking around too. I'll head to the carousel. You guys, well I honestly don't care." Then he walked off, SPAZ 24 in hand.

Richtofen

Richtofen walked slowly through the Renaissance Rome, making sure he checked everywhere. Those damn clowns got in the way of everything.

He raised the G11 and slowly walked up to the Parthenon. He heard the sounds of static going off and leapt inside. The entire thing was clear, except for the Deadshot Daiquiri machine.

He turned left and was barely six inches from the clown. Its face was completely shredded off and its clothes were moth eaten away.

"Scheisse" he muttered.

The clown roared and grabbed him. Richtofen yelled, "Nien!" and grabbed its neck. He squeezed and felt the trachea artery burst. The things blood splattered over him and he smiled.

"DIE!" he yelled crushing its vertebrae. The neck snapped and it fell to the ground. The clown's body was completely useless, but the head was still trying to get him.

Richtofen raised his left boot and said, "I bathe in your sorrow!" He crushed through the things skull and licked his lips. "Dis'll open your mind! Ha ha, get it? Because I, never mind."

Dempsey

The Marine walked through the rock valley, Skullcrusher in hand. He would've preferred to hunt the things with his Sonix Launcher, but he knew firing a grenade launcher too close did dangerous things.

He walked though the valley, noticing something. He aimed down his sight and was surprised how fast he did it. He did it again. Still split-second timing.

He switched to his Sonix Launcher and noticed he raised it like a sidearm. He did it again. Still remarkably fast.

"White Lightning" he said smiling.

An angry roar stopped him. He turned and saw two clowns charging after him. He raised The Sonix Launcher and fired. It nailed one of them and sank inside its chest. It exploded, and so did the clowns.

After the dust cleared, the only thing left was a blood stain on the ground. Dempsey smiled and said, "The power of heavy metal! URA!"

Nikolai

The Russian walked around the carousel, drinking his vodka. He honestly didn't give a shit about the power. He just wanted some free time to drink.

A large fist stopped him from taking another sip. He dropped the bottle and looked up at the offender.

At least three clowns looked back at him. He growled and said, "You shouldn't have done that." He raised the SPAZ 24 and said, "From Russian with great affection!"

**Yep, that's Nikolai alright. I'll try to update soon!**


	18. Chapter 18: Strike

**Hello! I believe, we left our heroes killing those clown things right? Well, might as well continue.**

Dempsey

The American slaying machine fired a Sonix grenade and watched twelve zombies explode. "Ha ha! Bow before my heavy metal!"

He reloaded and fired another. "I could do this all day!"

Takeo

The Imperial soldier reloaded his EPC-WN and popped another headshot. "Pure honor, entering your head at 4000 feet per second!" he yelled in his proud Japanese voice.

He pulled out the RPK and said, "Full auto honor!" He emptied the clip and placed in another. "I am surrounded!"

Nikolai

The drunk Russian placed in another SPAZ-24 shell and pumped the action. "I'll put you brains on the outside!" he yelled at the approaching zombies.

He pulled the trigger and watched them disintegrate. "Like the fist of Stalin, up your ass!" he yelled.

He got hit and another slugged him. "Fuck!" he yelled as they swarmed him.

Dempsey

Dempsey turned and saw his Russian comrade had gotten downed. "I'm coming buddy!" yelled Dempsey.

He raced over and fired a Sonix grenade. It blew apart the crowd near Nikolai, but more were still coming.

Suddenly, Takeo came racing over, holding a Monkey Bomb. "Time to use the monkey of honor!" yelled the Japanese man.

Dempsey gave a sideways glance to him and said, "Where've you been hiding that thing? Never mind, I don't want to know."

Takeo threw the Monkey Bomb and every zombie in the area came running to it. Dempsey ran over to his buddy and sank a syringe into him. "Get up man!" he yelled at the Russian.

Nikolai stood up and said, "What? Oh, I was only taking nap."

Richtofen came over and said, "Anyone got any bright ideas?"

Dempsey thought for a second and said, "The Ferris Wheel!"

The group ran up the steps of the platform and ran inside of the car. "Push the button!" yelled Dempsey. Richtofen slammed his fist into the large red button and the car lurched forward.

"Oh great plan American" said Richtofen. "Now ve'll just end up in ze same damn place ve started at."

Dempsey scowled and said, "Hey, we still got the Pack-a-Punch machine."

Nikolai placed in his HK-21 and said, "Well line up. We don't have that long to get ready."

He pulled out the H115 Oscillator and said, "Machine gun fun! Hey that rhymed!"

Takeo placed in his RPK and said, "This thing needs an upgrade!"

The samurai pulled out the R115 Resonator and said, "Raining death!"

Richtofen placed in both his G11 and Ray gun and said, "The voices demand you hurry up!"

He pulled out both the G115 Generator and Porter's X2 Ray Gun and said, "Porter, vhoever you are, thank you."

Dempsey placed in the Sonix Launcher and said, "What the hell? Roll the dice!" He pulled out the upgraded version and studied it. It was the same size, but a few more knobs and dials had been added to it. The silver color was a little reddish now, and the handle had a skull on it.

The Marine laughed and said, "This'll spray their blood all over the place!"

Richtofen looked over the side of the car and said, "Vow, dere iz a shitload of them." The entire pavilion was flooded with the zombies, all just standing there, waiting.

Dempsey fired a Skullcrusher grenade and made a few blew up. "Our guns still work!" he yelled at the others. Richtofen loaded up dozens of zombies with his G115 and said, "No longer vill you hurt ze Doctor's feelings."

Nikolai took a final swig of vodka and scowled. Empty. He pulled out his claymores and said, "Guys, set up your claymores as soon as we get there."

They nodded and pulled out the mines.

The Ferris Wheel stopped and they all ran forward. They hurriedly placed the mines at the top of the stairs and ran back to the car.

"Ass kicking time!" yelled Dempsey. Nikolai growled and said, "Come on zombies. I just ran out of vodka, so I'm in the mood for a massacre."

Richtofen hefted his Ray Gun and said, "Time for balls to fly!" Takeo raised the Resonator and said, "Honor is in no short supply, so line up!"

The zombies ran up the stairs and exploded. Claymores. The group began shooting and didn't stop. It was a wall of bullets meeting a train of zombies.

Dempsey reloaded the Skullcrusher and swore. Last mag. He hung it aside and pulled out the upgraded Sonix Launcher, now called the Mach Rocket. "Fuck you all!" he yelled firing a grenade.

Nikolai slid in another shell and said, "Running low!" Takeo reloaded the Resonator and said, "Pull out the Oscillator!" Nikolai rolled his eyes and said, "No shit."

Richtofen popped in another Ray Gun cartridge and kept firing. "Too bad this gun doesn't really exist" he muttered.

Dempsey fired another grenade and the shockwave rocked the car. "They're everywhere!" yelled the Marine. Nikolai slid in another mag and said, "Oh shit!"

The Ferris Wheel lurched and went forward. Dempsey looked at Richtofen and said, "What the hell man? I was still good." Richtofen raised his hands and said, "Not me."

Takeo shook his head and said, "Me neither." Nikolai shrugged and said, "No dice."

Dempsey sighed and reloaded. "Whatever" he muttered. The team reloaded and the Ferris Wheel stopped.

"Wow, we're already back?" asked Nikolai. Takeo went over to the edge and looked down. Nausea forced him backwards and he said, "We are not back."

Dempsey looked out and saw they had stopped exactly at the top. He looked down and saw the entire carnival, with all the gates and barriers. "This is weird."

He walked back and said, "You think those clowns shut off the power?"

Takeo shook his head and said, "No, the lights were still on."

Nikolai sniffed and said, "I smell bacon."

Richtofen stopped and said, "Where?"

Nikolai shrugged and replied, "No idea. It smells really good though."

Richtofen's eyes widened and he yelled, "Shit!"

Then the lightning bolt silenced them all.

**That ****is ****it! ****It****'****s ****over! ****HA ****HA! ****Well, ****until ****I ****get ****over ****myself ****and ****publish ****the ****SEQUEL! ****Ya, ****I****'****m ****writing ****another! ****It****'****ll ****say ****so ****in ****the ****description, ****so ****bye ****for ****now!**


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